Connected

Growing up in Toronto during the 1970’s I didn’t have a connection to television, t.v shows or movie stars. My family had an old Zenith tube t.v. from a local shop Aireon TV, which sat in our living room with pliers on the knob used to turn channels. There was never a need to change the channel often as the t.v. was hooked up to a ho hum brown coloured router connected to an tall metal antenna, we didn’t have cable. The t.v antenna was out at the side of the garage, I spent more time outside in the garden climbing that antenna up onto the garage roof than I did watching television. My parents eventually bought me a fabulous red and white jungle gym with monkey bars to climb on, I was a strong and fit girl. Fifty years later, connectedness with the genuine beauty of nature in my childhood garden is integral to both my healing and paintings. Perhaps this will make me strong and fit once again.

Through the healing process I have become reconnected in kinship to the quiet genuine beauty of the garden more deeply and authentically like kindred spirits, than ever before in my life. Just like in my childhood I am much more connected to the garden than my t.v. and continue to live without cable t.v.. In fact, if I watched daytime t.v. which I have a great disdain towards, I likely would be more sick, anxious and definitely not becoming strong or fit. Where the t.v. sucks the life and thoughts out of you like a pierced deflating balloon, the garden fills the body, mind and spirit full with fresh air and calming thoughts.

Instead, I took my attention to quietly observing my childhood garden. When I couldn’t get outside of the house into the garden I would watch the beauty of nature through my windows from whatever spot I happened to be sitting in. I began to notice reoccurring wildlife, the patterns of light, daytime shadow patterns, colour and relationships in colour all through genuine beauty found in my garden. Observing nature all day long was much more enjoyable than nothingness through vapid daytime television watching, I can feel the brain cells evaporating as I type. I already had brain fog at the time and I didn’t need to put myself in a coma from t.v. watching. This was the beginning of healing through nature and the incubation of painting concepts inspired by my garden’s genuine beauty.

Eventually, I began to step out into my garden. Real life hands on experiences were beginning. Although there was much to do in the garden I wasn’t able bodied to do anything other than sit in mindfulness with the genuine beauty of nature surrounding me. Sitting for long periods of time allowed for observing details only seen to the human eye when one slows down into the moment. This is when I first really began to see. I reconnected rather quickly in a kinship and developed a kindred spirit with my garden. My garden was like an old wise ancestor that had been waiting for me to meet up once more so we could begin again.

I identified my healing to the natural seasonal cycles of garden, slow in growth and often invisible to others. Connecting to the landscape and seasonal attributes rather than the clock or calendar was how my journey began. I was beginning to see the garden uniquely, different from other people and I had just become aware of this. Time spent in all seasons provided me with whisperings, guiding me forward. I just had to step outside, observe and listen. The garden identified itself to me as integral to what would become my paintings, yet the true interwoven themes had yet to reveal themselves.

As my connectedness with the garden grew, my body healed and the garden began to reveal to me what would in time become themes in my paintings. I began to discover, observe, and explore the bold colour of flower petals and the relationships with other flower petals colours. The change in bright luminous leaves through seasons intrigued my eye. The natural patterns of light throughout the garden casting shadows excited me. Natures themes in my paintings that would become interwoven into my body of work. Exploring relationships of colour and shadow formations from genuine beauty in my garden are now intertwined reoccurring themes in my paintings. Bold paintings capturing genuine youthful happiness, the essence of a moment through bright colour and genuine beauty found in nature within my garden on a small scale acrylic paintings on birch have become the focus of my body of work.

In time I took on the slow pace of nature in my daily life, it was clearly my natural pace of life as well. At this point in my healing it came as no surprise, more of a sense of relief. The time spent in nature within my childhood garden rebalanced and regenerated harmony in both my body and mind. Perhaps I celebrate the genuine beauty of nature in my paintings as gratitude for its role in my healing. It was the best way I could still my nervous system and heart rate when these functions were at their worst. Nature became a relief, setting my body back in balance when mind and heart was racing due to bodily malfunctions and broken bodily systems caused by chronic illnesses.

There are things in life that that cannot be put into words, they are just simply part of ones existence in the universe. This pace of life is indeed different and in most cases opposite to the chaotic world we live in, however it is authentic to me. It always has been despite losing my way for many years. I am now reconnected greater and with deeper knowledge and understanding. Given my chronic illness and disability I am unlikely to lose my way again, my body has taken care of that. I sometimes say my body was not built for this world, it has too many reactions to what has become common place in our chaotic world.

However, perhaps I am meant to share my unique perspective and authentic experience through both written word and painting. The writing of my blog provides a platform to express my truth living with M.E. and art. Through relationships of colour and observation of form depicted through shadow formations in my paintings I hope to bring a quiet focus on the simple genuine beauty in life. My hope is for others to spend real time away from technology which has come exploded since the time of my t.v. antenna and find experiences of living in the moment within nature. For humans to begin to find reconnections with nature, as it may be our only chance at generating greater human respect for the planet we live within. As one of my lifelong female role models who has dedicated her life to work with chimpanzees Jane Goodall states, “To reconnect with nature is key if we want to save the planet” What if most humans throughout the world reconnected in their own way with nature and began to put an effort into doing their own small part to respect our global environment, as a collective we would be enormous.

Change begins with one persons efforts and in the end it is that person who knows their efforts. My respect and care for the planet has been ongoing through the decades which began through life changes to support my health. I now realize I have lived life with unique health conditions causing me to walk a much different path in life connecting me with nature. It has become clear that most humans don’t understand what it is like to live with chronic illness and most certainly are unaware completely of experiences of those who are disabled. For me lifelong challenges with health resulted in a great respect of nature as it was the pathway towards living with my best health. My paintings are a like a gentle messenger encouraging others to reconnect with beauty in nature and hearten the viewer to slow down, pace and live in the moment.